Hier is een eerlijke Lonely Planet over Amsterdam

Amsterdam, what a beauty! Historic buildings, atmospheric canals, Czech prostitutes screaming at tourists to delete that goddamn photo. Here are some highlights of all of the beauty this city has to offer!

vuilnisA typical Amsterdam phenomenon: the huge piles of garbage lining the narrow streets of the lively Red Light District. All of these bags are filled with British cum, an important source of protein for the local rat population.

plasWho says cultures don't mix? The floor of a so called plaskrul has been sprinkled by drug urine from the bladders of the 193 different nationalities living in the Dutch capital. Have a nice culturally diverse piss in a plaskrul and test your gag reflex!

lonelyplanet3-2Ever tasted a 6 day old pastry that has been sharing a heated shopwindow with some 9 day old pizza's? No? Have you lived?

kotsArt is everywhere! Just look at the stunning color palettes that explode from people's mouths when they stumble out of the club, brightening up the grey Amsterdam streets. There’s art in all of us, we just need to let it out!

poepPolice horse shit: to protect and swerve! Amsterdammers love these steaming heaps of bright orange shit, and that's why it doesn't get cleaned up. It just lies there for days until it's been stepped in enough. Try to spot one and take a cute selfie with it!

kushAh, Lush! If you're tired of smelling the diarrhea that the local homeless population has splattered against war monuments, you can always go to Lush and cover it up with something smelling even worse.

DuifDon't forget to visit a local pedicurist and treat yourself to some typically Amsterdam toe fashion!